你好, 我是温玉馨

So today we (I speak for my entire teaching mates) "broke our students' hearts." <--I'm quoting the students, but they said it in Chinese.

We let the cat out of the bag and spoke to them in Chinese.

The students said that for the past two weeks we had lied to them and pretended we didn't know Chinese. I had to explain to them that we did it on purpose because we wanted to encourage them to communicate to us in English rather than take the easy way out with Chinese. I really hope they understood our intentions and that it was for their own good. A couple of them admitted that they would have spoken only in Chinese if they had known. So I'm really glad that after two weeks of painstakingly biting my tongue when I wanted to use Chinese really paid off. It was great seeing the disbelief written all over their faces. They had some idea that I was competent in Chinese but when I spoke today, yep totally blew their socks off. Kekeke. They couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that I, or anyone else, could be Chinese and American at the time. It didn't make sense that someone can have two heritages and speak more than one language naturally. It was interesting to see how different the world they grew up in is immersed in pop culture but at the same time entirely blindfolded. The students were really amazed that it's possible to learn so many different languages and that not everyone American is "white." I really hope that our conversation today really expanded their horizon and hopefully their view of life in the future.

A funny side note, they asked me if I understood when the students were swearing in Chinese and attempting to swear in English. I said yes, and they asked why I didn't reprimand them...I had two answers...but I could only tell them one. I told them, one because if I scolded them, it would be in English because I had to restrain from using Chinese and making it obvious that I understood because they would take advantage of that and only use their English. My second answer, I'm not sure if I'm completely right in my decision to do so, but I have a somewhat passive-aggressive disposition where if I see them misbehaving, I'm not going to do anything about it except be an on-looker. I feel that in life, especially in that stage, you can't always be having people telling what is right and what is wrong. You have to learn the hard way in order to truly learn. So I wanted them to figure it out themselves and have their own personal conviction of their behavior. Hopefully, I don't need to use any language to convey that.

So today was pretty much a free day. We watched Kung Fu Panda in the morning, I doubt they understood the plot...lol but I'm glad they laughed at all the silly parts. Kids really like it when things get hurt...lol.

I wonder if that was comfortable... 

Sadly they won't be at the closing ceremony tomorrow. :( 

Hehe, we have the same name, 馨!

Today was actually the first time I felt proud of my Chinese name. I never really thought much about it except that the last character was unreasonably difficult to write. "馨" which means fragrance. My dad always said that meant I smelled...but ANYWHO...when I told my students my Chinese name, they all complimented it and said it was such a beautiful name and now that I think about it, it does sound really beautiful and I'm thankful for the old geezer that gave it to me. :p I love you Dad, bahahha. Oh and thanks for my English name too because everyone spells it wrong! Jk.

For the last two periods we combined 7th, 8th, and 9th grade in the library to practice our song performances for tomorrow's opening ceremony.

The first song we will be singing is a traditional aboriginal song, 月光 (Moon Light):

This is such beautiful song. The people here all have out the world vocals...it's amazingly captivating. I have no idea what this song means, but I feel the sincerity in every word.

The second song we will be singing is "We are the World" by Michael Jackson...as you've probably witnessed from my Youtube uploads...these students absolutely love that song. Today's practice lacked a bit of the passion they usually exude...probably because they were all nervous and shocked by the fact we could speak Chinese...XD but I'm sure they'll muster the courage to sing their hearts out, let their souls be heard, and move to the rhythm...

The final song was Teresa Teng's famous 月亮代表我的心 (Moonlight Represents my Heart). Everyone was really into it so it totally made up for my amateur guitar accompaniment. I'm really grateful that this experience here in Taiwan has really brought music back in my life. I often feel that as I grow older, there will be less opportunities for me to create wonderful music with others like back in high school...even if it sounded bad it was still beautiful...it's just the people you're with that make everything sound like love...okay maybe I'm a little crazy, but it's truly how I feel. So having this opportunity to play the piano and guitar and have 50+ voices singing in unison really made me...happy. Also, seeing how music and dance is such a big part of their culture, and everyone freely expresses themselves in that fashion, I really want to treasure that feeling in my heart and bring it back home to share. No shame, honestly. People should live life not being ashamed but sing like they do in the shower...bring down all those walls, and really use our voices to praise something greater than ourselves.

And on the note of dancing, it's so awesome having June in our group because she's like a professor of K-Pop dancing hahaha. The kids really adore it...another way of communicating, besides language, don't you just love it?! I DO. And I'm glad I took waltzing with Aaron, it taught me some sense in propriety, lawlz, jk, but it's really fun being able to know basics and meeting other people, ie. Nancy, that know it too and more, and too keep building on what I've set as my foundation and learning new dances...like tango. Keke, I'm going to show Mama Wan when I get back.

Another funny moment, one of the 7th graders came up to me after the rehearsal and asked me if I had a boyfriend...this is seriously like the nth time I've been asked. -_-x I said no, and she said she would introduce me to a handsome man. I asked her, where does such one exist? She told me Taipei. Lol...yeah. Okay, silly children, enough nonsense. They're basically making reiterate to myself: "FOREVER ALONE"...just kidding. I have more confidence than that!

Yep. So that's basically my rambling of the day. I'm going to add one more thing though (it will be quite lengthy...) I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my earlier posts, but the media is going to be present tomorrow, as well as the governor and such and two of us teachers are expected to present a speech in Chinese. No one really wanted to but Alice and I ended up being stuck with that. Honestly, if I were more proficient in my Chinese, I would be totally gung-ho about it and want to give a speech and thank everyone that gave me this chance to do what I've been wanting to do for years...and to share how this experience has impacted me...but after writing my speech in English and attempting to translate it in Chinese...I knew my efforts would be futile. This really frustrated me...because I felt like a lot of things are lost in translation, plus when I spoke, I would probably pronounce everything in a choppy manner since I would be reading ping yin and the diction would be entirely out of my league. We considered having an on-spot translation, however it was not preferred so I'm actually not going to give a speech tomorrow. But what frustrated me even more was that through this entire process I learned that things aren't as simple as they may seem. There's such a cultural dissonance. The purpose of having students come teach English to these disadvantaged students is to give them opportunities to see a bigger world, to experience a different way of learning, to think outside the box essentially. But the system is still in its strict, structured form that won't be flexible unlike their proposed purpose of bring us here in the first place. Basically, for the speeches, if none of us were able to speak Chinese, they would expect us to simply memorize lines written for us and regurgitate it rather than write it from our hearts and say it in English and have a translator. Things dictated over something heart felt and real. I had a really hard time swallowing that but I need to respect their decisions and also I need to be reminded that I should not automatically think my way is always the best way because I have to remember that I've been cultivated to think in a certain manner as well. It's a process, and hopefully it's a progress.

Because I'll never be giving that speech, I don't want to delete it or just have it collecting dust on my desktop...so I'm just going to post it here...and maybe one day the students or the people that gave me this wonderful opportunity will stumble upon it and hopefully grasp my sincerity in its entirety.

"Teaching English abroad has been one of my life goals since high school…and to be where I am right now embodies the phrase: “living the dream.”  First off, I would like to thank everyone, list important people (government, MOE, AID), teachers, staff at school, and most importantly the students at Sanmin Middle School that made it possible for me to have this wonderful opportunity to come to this Formosa Island. And thank you for giving me this unforgettable experience of what it means to stay young at heart and to continue fostering a love and passion for learning. My purpose in coming here was to teach students English in an exciting and engaging manner that will encourage them to want to learn English for self-betterment, not just to pass an exam. I also wanted them to look beyond the well that the frog lived in and introduce them to a world that is filled with endless opportunities as long as they believe, work hard, and strive for the betterment of the world and most importantly, themselves. I did not know what to expect at the end of this journey, but after these two weeks, the students have proved to me all those things that I hoped for and more. They reminded me that verbal language is not the only way of communicating but that music and dance transcends all language barriers. The students taught me, that home is also a world of wonderful surprises right in my own backyard. Home is where my heart is…and Taiwan has truly touched my heart."

Uhm, it is still in its state of rough draftiness, but I'm sure you'll get the gist. The corniness is a product of my genetic corniness....get it? King Corn reference... environmentalists should get it. ._." WELL, if you haven't watched that movie, WATCH IT NAO. Uhm, and the in cast it did not make sense, the frog in the well is a reference to a Chinese proverb (I had hoped it would translate well in Chinese):

"About this proverb...A frog in a well does not know the great sea. — One of the meanings of this proverb could be… People are satisfied to judge things by their own narrow experience, never knowing of the wide world outside."

Uhm, and the topic of home is that I want to remind them that even though the world out their is big, don't forget that home is most important and to not get caught up in the rush of secularism...but too much abstract thinking probably...oh HumCore what have you done to me?

Lastly, I wanted to be clever and include the Taiwan tourism logo "Taiwan, touch your heart" that is plastered at every possible tourist site, but apparently locals don't really see or notice that for it to make sense. Sigh, epic fail.

Okay this was quite a long post, if you made it to the end, and didn't just scroll down here, I'll let you try my green tea jam for toast that I'll be receiving tomorrow. ^^ It's heavenly.

Oh and to lighten up the mood a bit (sorry about my rant >_>)...here's a video of my students' "surprise" for me and Ashley today...it's be raunchy...so don't say I didn't warn you. And for the record, I only taught English in Taiwan...NOTHING ELSE.

And one final thanks, because none of this would be possible without Him, but glory to be to God in the highest. In one of my earlier posts, I wrote that this wasn't a church mission trip, but that I wanted to come with the same purpose to serve...it's difficult not coming with a declared, "I'm doing this as missions" but I'm sure declaring it has it's own difficulties as well...but I hope that even though I wasn't able to directly expose the students by word of mouth to the gospel, God still had His ways of going about that. What really encouraged me throughout my time here was that a lot of the students donned on shirts that were probably given as gifts from missionaries that explicitly said "I LOVE JESUS"/"JESUS LOVES ME," etc. I know He's working in their hearts here, and hopefully because God placed me here to teach them English will open up their goals in life and to pursue higher education and really give them more opportunities to hear the gospel.